From an Anonymous sister, great advice embedded in the following script.
The Wise Mother
My husband and I disagreed about something. I did what I have always done when I had a difference of opinion with someone… I called my Mum. Before I could even finish my sentence, she asked me if I had prayed about it yet.
Before I could respond, she told me that she would not allow me to…call her and complain about my husband to her, nor would she allow me to discuss our arguments/disagreements with her.
I sat there stunned. Then she said something that has stuck with me for a very long time.
“My daughter, the thing is, because you love him the way you love him, when the argument is over it’s over. But, I don’t love him the way you love him, and it would be far too easy for me to pick up a grudge and carry it if I think he is wrong. You can’t do that to me, or to him. It simply isn’t fair.”So the next time you want to narrate the fight in your marriage to a third party ask yourself – Do I love my spouse? Does the person I’m reporting them to love them the way I do? Will they easily forgive them the way I will? If not then don’t pass them on to be crucified.
Your marriage is between you, your spouse and Allah. Everyone else is an outsider.
Abu’l-Darda (ra) once said to his wife:
“If you see me angry, calm me down and if I see you angry, I will calm you down, otherwise it will be too difficult to live together.”
A real story
A husband gave a cake to his wife after an argument! On the cake he wrote “May Allah give you Sabr to deal with me.”
Mashallah! What a thoughtful husband. May Allah reward them both. Ameen.
Don’t lose sleep over people’s words and actions, put your trust in Allah and always be sincere with what you do and Allah will make things easy for you.
When you are hurt by the people who share blood relations with you, recall Yusuf (as) who was also betrayed by his brothers….
When you find your parents opposing you (in deen) recall Ibraheem (as) who was made to jump into a blazing fire by his father…
When you are mocked and abused by your own relatives just because you adopted deen over duniya, recall Rasul Allah (saw) who faced the same….
When you are stuck into some problem and find no way out recall Yunus (as) who was stuck inside the belly of a whale…
When you fall ill and your whole body cries with pain, recall Ayoob (as) who was more ill thank you….
When you see some physical fault in yourself, recall Moosa (as) who could not properly speak…
When someone slanders you, recall Ayesha (ra) who was also slandered throughout the city….
When you feel lonely recall how Adam (as) felt when he was created alone at first…
When you can’t see any logic in what’s going on and your heart asks why this is happening, recall Nooh (as) who built the biggest ship without questioning….
The role of care taking that Islam gives to men is not fulfilled unless the man is a successful leader of his family.
A Muslim husband does not exert his manhood through, roughness, cruelty, violence or harshness, – this is the manhood of ignorance (of jahiliya). Islamic manhood is something else altogether. Islamic ideals of manhood is a strong, and likable personality a noble attitude, tolerance and forgiveness for mistakes, patient, strong adherence within the limits of Allah (swt) and a determination to establish the limits of Allah (swt) in the household. And how?….Through the Prophetic way of gentleness! And this excellence in leadership and care taking entails that the husband guides his family, spouse and children to the truth.
They are generous without being extravagant, they understand their responsibilities in this life and the next and they know what is ideal in the Muslim home that they want to promote. You want that serenity in the household. You want ”waj’alna lil-muttaqina imama”.
By Dr Hashimi – The Ideal Muslim
And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” [Surah Al-Furqan Ayah 74]